Tag Archives: losing

Cheating Rant

1463770079_9512d2f392Glamour recently published a blog post with the question, “Would you ever cheat on a guy?” They continued by giving an example of four women who did cheat, and asked the readers for their thoughts.

They also gave the four women’s reasons for why they did what they did.

This post received 37 comments, generating a lot of buzz.

The blogger only revealed later that she was on the same page with many of the commenters. She, too, believed that adultery was wrong. However, in the post herself, she tried to be impartial and asked everyone what they really felt. Would they have ever dared to do something like this?

The first woman, 42-year-old Rhonda from Colorado, has been cheating for seven years. She got married when she was 24. However, she felt neglected as their business became more and more successful. After a while, she felt unattractive and old. Then her first affair was with a young man 12 years younger than her. After online dating, she met many more men to have sex with. “They just ‘get me’ on a level that my husband never had,” she says.

Martina, a 38-year-old from Florida, has done it for five years. “I just don’t see anything wrong with it. I am pretty certain my husband does the same thing; we just don’t talk about it.” She goes on to tell the interviewer that the spark and chemistry has long since faded and she finds guys online to make up for that. She finishes with the statement, “I just want to have fun and then go about my life.”

3523581062_92e2557085Loretta Lynne, our third woman, is 49. She has been cheating for 15 years. Her first marriage was a disaster. She actually started out by having an affair for several years. The marriage fell apart because of it… and then she married the man she was having the affair with. “We were enjoying our second chance at happiness, but that too does fizzle out soon enough.” She doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice, so she keeps the sex casual and friendly. After all, she can have her pick of younger men who would like to experiment with her. Loretta Lynne is still married.

The last woman, Giannia, age 33, has done it for less than one year! “I’m married on paper. ‘Nuff said.”

That is all.

The commenters were outraged. There were many women from different walks of life. Some had been involved in nasty affairs and regretted it. Some had never been involved in an affair. Some had been the ones cheating. Some had been cheated on. There was, however, one consensus that prevailed. Most of the women agreed that such adultery was wrong. Period. Many said that even getting a divorce would be better than cheating on each other behind each other’s backs. Most of the commenters felt that these women should talk to their husbands and try to bring communication back into the relationship.

Many of the comments were about the women. Many comments were about cheating, period.

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Who knows what happened? Maybe at first it nagged at their conscience, but after a while they got “used” to it in a way. To them, it was either something that “happened” after time, something that couldn’t be avoided, and the solution to their unhappiness was to have an affair. For the last woman, though, she has been married for less than a year. To her, her marriage vows are nothing. She merely describes her marriage as being “on paper” and nothing else.

However, I also believe that these women are hurt and broken. Maybe it’s because of life, maybe it’s because of how their husbands treated them, like the first wife who felt so very alone.

Perhaps that doesn’t excuse what they did. There are two sides and maybe both sides were at fault for what happened. But adultery really is a horrible thing.

There’s many things that it can do.

It hurts people.

A married woman, says,

Wow… that’s just terrible… I don’t agree with this at all. Cheating is the worst thing ever. My husband and I have always had the understand that we would talk about things and if we felt like we had to go someone else that we’d re-evaluate… you get married for life – people are getting married SO young and for the wrong reasons – people don’t realize that forever is a LONG time… take your time and find the person who is REALLY right for you. I would never dream of cheating on my husband ever… i’ve been cheated on before and it’s the worst feeling in the world, I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone else.

Even in this modern day and age where so many things are excusable, to many, marriage still stands as an important commitment.

3636271012_5e96d53490One poster, horrified, writes:

Thats so horrible! Whats the point of getting married if your not ready to commit to it? Why would you bother if you enjoy having CASUAL sex that much?

She believes that marriage is a commitment made to that person. If you’re not ready to commit, please don’t get married. If you just want to have casual sex that much, don’t get married.

It also involves living  a lie. One of the commenters had been in that situation. She had been an army wife, and was only 18. They “couldn’t bear to be separated.” Soon, within a year, both of them were cheating. Then they sought counseling and stopped. Though they tried their hardest, they never seemed to be able to let go of past betrayals. However, she said something that really struck a chord in me.

Cheating may never be right but just because you’ve done it doesn’t make you an awful person or mean you’ll always do it again…these women need to get divorced or seek help to put their marriages back together. Why live in a lie forever? If you don’t want to be married to him, don’t be.

Cheating is wrong, she says. That doesn’t mean that you’re an awful person. However, you need to seek a way out. Don’t live a lie.

Cheating makes things worse.

This is so horrible, I wonder if they realize why cheating they are lying and actually making their marriages worse by not putting they engery they spend screwinga round into fixing what is wrong with their spouse. So self centered

429965328_79d25fa587Cheating really hurts. Cheating is seen by many as a breach of commitment in a marriage. Even some women wouldn’t have dared cheat on their boyfriend, though the depth of commitment may not have been as deep as in a marriage, as this poster says.

if these women are so unhappy in their marriage why dont they just get divorced? i think is a sick violation of the trust and promises between two people that at one point loved eachother enough to pronounce it to the world. i would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend. i was cheated on soo many times with the last loser i dated and always took him back, i never retaliated because i didnt want to be “that woman” thats just aweful. i feel bad for their husbands

Finally, cheating, in some cases, is basically living out a lie, for whatever reasons. You need to find a way out of living a lie, because it will eventually destroy you. I don’t believe that these women are happy doing what they’re doing. There’s no indication as to such. However, it’s become acceptable because just maybe they don’t know what else they can do. They want to be happy, and they’d cheat if it meant happiness, even though it would be a lie. It really ends up making things worse.

But isn’t such happiness fleeting? No wonder some of them have to find a new guy every so often.

In any case, the comments made me realize some faith in humanity yet.

This is terrible. These women must be so self-conscious and unhappy with themselves. Marriage is a commitment, and if you’re not ready for it, don’t do it. If you want to live the single life, stay single. Some of them almost sound proud of themselves in their blurbs, which makes it even worse. This is shameful behaviour and should not be glorified.

I agree.

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Losing Battle

Part 3 of Chapter 1 in the book Runaway Eating: Not for Teenagers Only

Stress wreaks havoc on everything. It can cause major diseases and difficulties, both physically and psychologically.

3120725143_43a6d1677cStress sets off a fire alarm. It prepares your body to fight to the death, or run a mile. Now that’s useful if you’re being chased by lions and tigers and  bears, but if you’re just yelling at your kids to get ready for school, that’s overkill. If you’re under stress all the time, this is really bad for your body.

Stress can also be destructive psychologically. You may feel depressed, anxious, or powerless; awful feelings. Naturally you want to feel better and escape those feelings, so you might turn to alcohol, or work. We might get addicted to our anti-depressants.

Or… we might turn to food.

Food is highly attractive. It symbolizes pleasure, comfort, amusement, and distraction. It can be found everywhere and anywhere in this culture. We get involved in it, for it is easily available, socially acceptable, and hard to resist. Too many of us use to relieve stress, if only for a few moments.

534797974_62473413ddAnd so, we end up misusing food. We eat too much or too less. We might eat too much junk food. Meanwhile, we’re just compensating for an imbalance in our lives (or black hole, as another writer described).

Sometimes someone who is on drugs is easy to stop. However, someone who misuses food is not so obvious. Everyone’s on a diet, so no one will look at you twice  if you’re skipping lunch. In fact, you may even be praised for your choice. Though it may seem like a normal habit, everything can go wrong. Misusing food is habit forming and addictive, like alcohol or drugs.

The writers say that this may at least cause a negative impact on your self image, your relationships with others, and your quality of life. In more severe cases, the calcium will be sucked from your bones. You may face heart problems, anemia, changes in brain structure, or even death.

Years ago, our relationship with food was different. We used food to care for others, expressing our love by cooking meals. The women of older days would bring baked goods to families who were poor, or to their neighbors who were sick. People ate their meals together. This was their time to spend time together. Food wasn’t an issue, except when someone was starving because of a lack of it.

324463349_9f12f4c11bNow, food is our enemy. It tempts us, making us feel fat and awful. Through diets, we learn to avoid food. Cooking isn’t as much fun anymore. Rarely will we prepare food for a sick neighbor. We want to find ways to cook smaller portions in the least time possible. The women of today are thankful for portion-control TV dinners, like the one on the right. We also believe that if we eat too much food, we can ruin our lives and make people stop loving us.

We have produced a disconnect between food and our bodies. Food is something that is to be hated. It is no longer something that nourishes us while giving us the energy to get through the day. Mealtimes are no longer fun. We have forgotten the simple law of listening to our bodies. We don’t eat when we’re hungry, and when we’re not hungry, we eat. We have forgotten that food doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Yet, our appetites are never satisfied. Organic foods, processed foods, junk, sugar, and more doesn’t fill us. The stress of our lives makes us feel empty. The answer to the emptiness is to fill ourselves with cinnamon buns and chips. It doesn’t work.

3478379369_eeb6ef8f00Or, we think we can exercise and diet like crazy. But we never win.

We have to learn how to make friends with food, and learn to decipher what our bodies and hearts are saying.

We also need something, Someone, to fill the empty hole inside of us, instead of turning to the fridge in a vain attempt to fill the hole with cookies and cheesecake.