Women’s Lives: Chapter 1

Sex: classification of individuals as female or male based on their genetic makeup, anatoy, and reproductive functions.

Gender: means that societies and individuals give to female and male categories.

Sex roles: sometimes used to refer to culturally prescribed roles for men and women. Gender roles may be more appropriate.

Similarities approach/beta bias: men and women are basically the same in intellectual and social behaviors. The only differences are due to socialization rather than biology. Has origins in work of early 20th century women psychologists.

Differences viewpoint/alpha bias: emphasizes differences between women and men. These differences have been thought to arise from essential qualities that are rooted in biology. Also known as essentialism.

Has root in Western and Eastern philosophies.

Liberal feminism: belief that women and men should have same political, legal, economic, and educational rights and opportunities. Reform.

Cultural feminism: belief that women and men are different and that more respect should be given to women’s special qualities.

Socialist feminism: attitude that gender inequality is rooted in economic equality.

Radical feminism: belief that gender inequality is based on male oppression of women

Patriarchy: male control/dominance over women

Women of color feminism: view that both racism and classism must e recognized as being as important as sexism

Racism: bias against other because of ethnicity

Classism: bias based on social class

Sexism: gender based bias

Environment.

Part 2 of Chapter 3 of Runaway Eating

Keira Knightley in the dress that sparked the rumors

Eating problems tend to run in families. If your parents or siblings have issues, you’re more likely to have them. Genetic factors, environmental stressors, or a dysfunctional family environment all play a key.

Let’s talk about genes first. Back when the tabloids wrote about Keira Knightley being anorexic, she denied it, to People magazine.

Whatever people say about my weight they are all wrong. Hollywood is about the way you look, and I don’t think that’s the healthy thing for anyone. But, if you’re strong and comfortable with yourself, then you’re going to be fine.

The star had shown up to a film premier with a low-cut, backless bronze Gucci dress. (When they say low-cut, it’s low-cut. It goes down to her belly button.) Her rail thin figure sparked many concerns and gossip.

While saying that there was nothing to worry about, Knightley did add that her family had a history of anorexia. Her grandmother and great-grandmother had suffered from the condition, and she also had a lot of friends who had the condition.

Nicole Richie, another rail thin celebrity suspected at some point to have an eating disorder

Her mother, as reported to Times, later shot down the rumor by telling the press that her daughter is like her father.

She has always been thin. She’s her daddy’s daughter, with his long body… [he] was much, much thinner than Keira. When he was Keira’s age, he had to drink milk with honey and eggs, and go training and training and training, just to be a normal weight.

She eats like a horse. I always want to apologise because she can eat anything that she wants and she does not put on weight.

Thus making the rest of us jealous.

The tendency to have an eating disorder or at least suffer from runaway eating can be passed genetically. Families of women with diagnosed eating disorders tend to have high rates of eating disorders. It follows that runaway eating may be passed genetically.

However, it’s hard to know whether runaway eating is in part a product of genetics while also being in part a product of the environment. Some research indicates that 5-80% of a risk lies in the genes. Environmental factors are 20-50%. The relationship is quite complex.

For example, you might have the genes, but the tendency will only arise when certain environmental factors come into play. It can be something as benign as a wedding, or as serious as coping with a divorce. one stressor is unhealthy dieting. Someone who gets the idea that dieting can help her have a better life can start a diet and then eventually develop an eating disorder.

Disordered eating may also be related to family of origin. Maybe your family placed great importance on control or you had OCD tendencies. Or told you that certain emotions were forbidden, like anger.

Or maybe your parents poked into your life, trying to make you live your life how they want you to live your life. Or maybe your parents placed great importance on physical attractiveness, often dieting and exercising while pushing you to do the same.

The authors speculate that if you are a bingeing runaway, your parents could have been distant. They may have expected a lot from you.

There really is no clear-cut division, however. Remember that.

You also have individual risk factors, depending on your personal characteristics.

Someone with a history of being overweight may be familiar with diets and dieting. Though it’s difficult to lose the weight, losing weight is extremely important to you.

Similarly, someone with a history of bulimia or anorexia has a higher chance that the eating disorder will recur. Complete recovery is uncommon though possible, and many women continue to be preoccupied with food.

Or someone with low-esteem might not like herself. She feels bad about herself and her body. She might believe that thinness will make her more lovable, more worthwhile. I know a beautiful woman and mother of two beautiful daughters who believes that she has to stay skinny so that her husband will still love her. Her husband is very loving, and the chances that he will actually leave her are nil. But there it is.

Some people believe that their self-worth is tied to good looks and thinness. This is common among those in the show biz. Their careers depend on them staying slim and beautiful. Rarely, if ever, will you see a fat model/talk show host/TV announcer unless she’s Oprah. (But then she’s trying to lose the weight because she hates not being able to fit into clothes, etc etc.) No doubt, these women are particularly vulnerable because their livelihoods depend on their attractiveness.

That’s also one reason why no one would really be surprised if Nicole Richie or Keira Knightley actually turned out to be anorexic.

During menopause, the risk of obesity rises owing to the changes that occur at this point. Women put on inches around their waists. plus the process is stressful, what with the hot flashes and all. No wonder they turn to food for comfort.

Another thing: those with disordered eating or a clinically diagnosed eating disorder tend to be depressed. One fifth of all people (or women?) experience clinical depression at one point. It comes with sadness, low mood, lack of pleasure in usual activities, and thoughts of suicide to name a few.

80-90% of eating disorders are triggered by anxiety or tension. Some try to relieve stress by not eating, or eating large amounts of food. Bulimics eat, then feel anxious until purge. Many live in a perpetual state of anxiety, afraid of food, gaining weight, and a lot of other things.

Then there are the perfectionists. They are those who, no matter how much they have achieved, never feel happy with themselves or others. There is the normal drive for success, then there is the extreme that is unhealthy. Goals are unrealistic. There was the young lady yearning for perfection. I saw a list of goals. She wanted to reach 54 pounds. Very very unrealistic. She won’t reach it ever, because she’ll die or slip into a coma before she reaches it. To this type of person, mistakes equal disaster.

Some people also have poor problem-solving skills. Some have difficulty facing their problems. They can’t make connections between the problem and the actual solution. They avoid confrontation. Instead of dealing with the problem head on, they abuse food as a response.

There are other personality factors, like the tendency to starve oneself of affection or being very disciplined and self-controlled. Or the tendency to live life with your emotions on a roller coaster ride. These factors differ from person to person. This brings us to a catalyst: dieting.

Stress Fracture

Part 1 of Chapter 3 of Runaway Eating: what causes Runaway Eating, and who’s at risk?

Earlier on, we talked about stress and how we women can easily turn turn to food for comfort as a result. Why do only some actually become runaway eaters?

There are some risk factors that are especially responsible. These are as wide-ranging as the media’s emphasis on thinness as beauty, or as personal as family history, or depression. The driving forces do remain the same. While having risk factors don’t ensure that you will get the condition, it does set the stage, so to speak. It might not actually start a fire, but the tinder is built up.

First, we’ll look at the beauty factor. For years and years, women has been valued for her beauty. From Helen of Troy to Paris Hilton, those with beauty seem to have everything. They have wealth, love, adulation, jobs, and career advancement. Many of us spend lots of time and money on cosmetics, manicures, and pedicures. We flip through catalogues and women’s magazines looking for the latest styles.

The sad part is that to society, beauty equals thin/skinny/slim/slender. Most people cannot achieve the desired  weight. They were not made for it. How can a big-boned woman like Oprah ever become a waif like Nicole Richie? It brings a terrible price, this pursuit.

The writers have compiled a short timeline for this.

Camille Clifford: the ideal Gibson Girl

The early 1900s. Thin becomes in. This is perhaps when it all started. Before this time, plump, full curves were the ideal. They indicated that the well-endowed woman was well-fed and didn’t have to work.

The early 20th century ended this trend of round people. Slim, trim, and slender was desired, perhaps to differentiate from the stocky immigrants that were pouring into the States. It was a symbol of good breeding and discipline. Heaviness, the women thought, meant laziness, greediness, and lack of self-control.

Charles Dana Gibson revolutionized our perceptions with the Gibson Girl. This woman appeared tall, very slim, fit, and athletic with a small waist. Her face was gorgeous. Naturally no one looked like this, or very few people. After all, she was merely a figment of the artist’s imagination, based on what he felt the ideal woman should look like. However, women felt bad about themselves or not achieving this goal.

Just then, a physical fitness craze hit the country. Clothes started to reveal more, making women feel self-conscious about their appearance.

The flapper.

1920s: This was the age of the flappers. These girls wanted to be free to dance, play sports, and lead more active lives than their mothers and grandmothers. No more corsets, sleeves, or skirts. Well, not really. But whatever was there barely scraped the top of their calves. Women’s anxieties skyrocketed, especially since the perfect flapper’s body was small, slim, and flat chested. Fad diets were in. Self-induced vomiting was in. Laxative abuse was in.

Advertisers took the chance to take advantage of women’s insecurities about themselves to talk about weight-loss equipment, fad diets, and much much more. The message here was: “Slim down and you’ll be beautiful and happy.”

1940s to 1970s. Thin becomes a fashion statement. We know from other reading that designers prefer skinny models. Why? Because skinny works like a hanger. Clothes hang on the lady with fewer wrinkles, while people with a little shape have more wrinkles because of their curves.

Twiggy

Along the way, the hanger lady became an object of beauty. But no one looked like a hanger. Big problem. Instead of seeing that this ideal was not only unattainable but also quite ridiculous, women conformed it. They lusted after it, starved to fit into it. The result was despair.

Twiggy, a 95 lb, 5 feet 6 teen model, exploded onto the fashion scene during the late 1960s. Her sticklike figure made everyone feel heavy, even slim women. Fashions left little to the imagination. People believed, “You can never be too thin or too rich.” Eating disorders, as a result, suddenly abounded.

Fonda

1980s. A fitness craze hit the nation. Jane Fonda turned out her famous exercise videos, urging women to “feel the burn.” The thin woman was apparently not only supposed to be hanger girl, but also have well-defined muscles, flat stomach, and a small, tight butt. Jane Fonda had all these things. Only later did people find out that she was bulimic. However, this look was impossible for most women. Those that succeeded did so only by spending hours at the gym, or starving, or purging.

1990s. Welcome to the era of the middle-aged woman who never gets old. Think about the 40-50 year olds (like Goldie Hawn or Demi Moore) who look like 20 year olds. These woman have an unusual combination of genes, along with personal trainers and plastic surgery. They have set a higher standard: looking your age is bad. You should be doing all you can to look young.

Demi Moore

I can’t deny that. It seems that every single magazine I open is filled with spreads and spreads of anti-aging commercials. It’s not just the commercials, either. Most women’s magazines include a beauty section which will inevitably include some creams and serums which will make you look younger. The product testing department also has a few products. Why? Because right now there’s a demand for such products. We want to look young. We want to look young now. We also want to continue to look young at age 50-60, just like Demi Moore. I don’t think Moore or Hawn are responsible for the problem, but the fact that the media commends them and emphasizes the fact that they still look young even at such an age makes most women feel inadequate for not being like that.

Goldie Hawn

Yellow Light

Part 4 of Chapter 2 of Runaway Eating: What is Runaway Eating?

There are several warning signs that you could watch for. Some include:

• constant dieting
• weight fluctuation
• thinking constantly about food/diet
• guilt about eating
• depressed because weight is all “wrong”
• believing that losing weight is really the answer to problems.

Healthy eating is eating when you’re hungry, and stopping when you’re full. You know when you’re eating to solve problems and eating simply because you’re hungry.

This book includes a quiz that may also help a lot.

The authors offer a bit of hope. The good thing is that you can defeat this problem of runaway eating. We now know that eating disorders can range from mild to severe, though they run by the same train of thought. The authors can conclude that we can thus use similar psychological treatments to fix this.

There’s also the 8 point treatment plan which really does make a lot of sense. However, we’re not going into that yet.

Next up: Risk factors. The beauty factor.

Misuse

Part 3 of Chapter 2 of Runaway Eating: What is Runaway Eating?

The bingeing runaway eater binges to make herself feel better. Her binges can involve a huge amount of food, or a smaller amount. However, it’s usually high in sugar and easy to eat in large quantities (i.e., ice cream, cake, cookies, peanut butter, jam, honey, or candy).

The binge starts as feeling good, but ends up with the woman feeling disgusted. As the food is eaten rapidly, there is no satisfaction. Sometimes, she’s barely aware of what she’s done. The bingeing runaway eater doesn’t purge, but eats and leaves it at that.

Bingeing is more common than anorexia or bulimia. At the time the book was written, it was not recognized as an official eating disorder. As of now, it has joined the ranks as one of the most common eating disorders among women.

What’s the difference between bingeing runaway eating, overeating, and the binge eating disorder? Overeating is simply eating too much. One time at a sushi restaurant, I ate a bit too much and felt stuffed. It wasn’t because I wanted to run away from my problems. There was no out of control feeling. The runaway type involves eating large amounts within a short period of time, feeling that her eating is out of control. Sometimes she cannot stop unless someone drags her away, she gets tired, or she runs out of food.

The difference between runaway eating and the eating disorder is the frequency of the binges. Those with the disorder binge an average of two days a week for at least six months. Those with the runaway form binge occasionally, and for shorter periods. There’s no firm dividing line, because both forms are all unhealthy.

What can this disorder do to the body? Bloat. Nausea. The inability to breathe because of a distended stomach. The most common consequence of this type of disordered eating is weight gain. Not all with this disorder are overweight. Not all overweight people have this. However, a binge eating disorder can make the problem worse.

What can this disorder do to the mind and emotions? Depression, anxiety, shame, and self-hatred are only a few things. You may isolate yourself because you don’t want to talk about what you’re going through. You need love and friendship, but you push those aside for the fridge. When you’re focused on food, you cannot look at the things that make life worth living. Your joy in life disappears.

The bingeing/compensating runaway eater binges and THEN compensates for the binge by fasting, vomiting, laxatives, or exercise. This keeps their weight at average to slightly above average.

She’s also afraid of getting fat. She defines her self by her appearance. Not only that, she may find it hard to stick to a diet, and end up bingeing to relieve the stress. After she does so, she panics and think about the food turning into fat.

Here are some things the writers say she might to do compensate:

• Extremely restrictive diet
• Fast/starve
• Throwing up
• Abuse laxatives, diuretics, or other unhealthy methods to rid their body of food.
• Excessive exercise

This category also includes those who purge/compensate without even bingeing.

But what’s the difference between this condition and bulimia. Both include a dissatisfaction with how things are with a desire to regain control. Both binge, then purge. The difference is n the frequency and duration. The clinically defined bulimic demonstrates such behavior at an average of at least two times a week for at least three months. The runaway eater does so less often.

How does purging affect weight? It’s ineffective, at most. Restrictive dieting causes metabolism to slow down, making it harder to burn calories. Vomiting doesn’t empty the stomach completely. A lot of what was already eaten is digested. Laxatives work in the rectum or large intestine after calories have already been absorbed. As a result, those with the disorder are not excessively thin; they’re average or slightly above average.

What about excessive exercise? How do you know if you’re doing too much? If you’re exercising more than one hour a day to avoid weight gain, if you get mad at yourself for missing one day of exercise, if you exercise even though you’re injured or exhausted, then you may have this. It’s a common syndrome for those who have undiagnosed eating disorders.

The authors write that at least 75% of people in each category of eating disorder use exercise to try to avoid gaining weight.

There’s underlying issues of control, power, or self-esteem, continues the authors.

I know a woman who tries to exercise to keep the weight off. If she misses a day, she gets unhappy with herself. Her husband once broke a chair at our Christmas Eve party. The chair was already very weak form years and years of heavy butts sitting on it, and he was an average, rather muscular guy. When he sat on it, it cracked. He felt really bad. I heard from his wife that on Christmas day, he called the gym to see if they were open. He wanted to exercise the fat off or something of the sort. Of course they were not. Gyms typically aren’t open on Christmas. Poor guy.

What can this disorder do to our bodies? The authors write that bingeing stretches out the stomach; however, purging and other ways to get the food out are dangerous enough. Vomiting can irritate/rupture the esophagus. If vomit is inhaled, it can cause aspiration pneumonia. Continual exposure to stomach acid can erode teeth enamel, increasing dental cavities. Those with the money go and have their teeth fixed to white perfection. There’s also dehydration, electrolyte imbalances, chronic kidney problems, and broken blood vessels, to name a few.

Laxatives are dangerous as well. It become impossible to poop normally and intestine problems will abound. Even exercise can make you dehydrated, or you can fracture your bones out of stress, injury, or degenerative arthritis.

What can bingeing/compensating do to your mind and emotions? There’s the feelings of panic. You know that you’re harming yourself, thence the feeling of shame. Depression, guilt, headaches, or exhaustion are direct results. Remember that this is a vicious cycle, meaning that the disorder feeds the emotions while the emotions feed the disorder.

Often, bingeing and purging are done in secret. This damages relationships with friends and family. It keeps you from focusing on the important things in life. People who don’t understand only serve to widen the gap between you and them.

Next up: A warning and a hope

Cheating Rant

Glamour recently published a blog post with the question, “Would you ever cheat on a guy?” They continued by giving an example of four women who did cheat, and asked the readers for their thoughts.

They also gave the four women’s reasons for why they did what they did.

This post received 37 comments, generating a lot of buzz.

The blogger only revealed later that she was on the same page with many of the commenters. She, too, believed that adultery was wrong. However, in the post herself, she tried to be impartial and asked everyone what they really felt. Would they have ever dared to do something like this?

The first woman, 42-year-old Rhonda from Colorado, has been cheating for seven years. She got married when she was 24. However, she felt neglected as their business became more and more successful. After a while, she felt unattractive and old. Then her first affair was with a young man 12 years younger than her. After online dating, she met many more men to have sex with. “They just ‘get me’ on a level that my husband never had,” she says.

Martina, a 38-year-old from Florida, has done it for five years. “I just don’t see anything wrong with it. I am pretty certain my husband does the same thing; we just don’t talk about it.” She goes on to tell the interviewer that the spark and chemistry has long since faded and she finds guys online to make up for that. She finishes with the statement, “I just want to have fun and then go about my life.”

Loretta Lynne, our third woman, is 49. She has been cheating for 15 years. Her first marriage was a disaster. She actually started out by having an affair for several years. The marriage fell apart because of it… and then she married the man she was having the affair with. “We were enjoying our second chance at happiness, but that too does fizzle out soon enough.” She doesn’t want to make the same mistake twice, so she keeps the sex casual and friendly. After all, she can have her pick of younger men who would like to experiment with her. Loretta Lynne is still married.

The last woman, Giannia, age 33, has done it for less than one year! “I’m married on paper. ‘Nuff said.”

That is all.

The commenters were outraged. There were many women from different walks of life. Some had been involved in nasty affairs and regretted it. Some had never been involved in an affair. Some had been the ones cheating. Some had been cheated on. There was, however, one consensus that prevailed. Most of the women agreed that such adultery was wrong. Period. Many said that even getting a divorce would be better than cheating on each other behind each other’s backs. Most of the commenters felt that these women should talk to their husbands and try to bring communication back into the relationship.

Many of the comments were about the women. Many comments were about cheating, period.

Who knows what happened? Maybe at first it nagged at their conscience, but after a while they got “used” to it in a way. To them, it was either something that “happened” after time, something that couldn’t be avoided, and the solution to their unhappiness was to have an affair. For the last woman, though, she has been married for less than a year. To her, her marriage vows are nothing. She merely describes her marriage as being “on paper” and nothing else.

However, I also believe that these women are hurt and broken. Maybe it’s because of life, maybe it’s because of how their husbands treated them, like the first wife who felt so very alone.

Perhaps that doesn’t excuse what they did. There are two sides and maybe both sides were at fault for what happened. But adultery really is a horrible thing.

There’s many things that it can do.

It hurts people.

A married woman, says,

Wow… that’s just terrible… I don’t agree with this at all. Cheating is the worst thing ever. My husband and I have always had the understand that we would talk about things and if we felt like we had to go someone else that we’d re-evaluate… you get married for life – people are getting married SO young and for the wrong reasons – people don’t realize that forever is a LONG time… take your time and find the person who is REALLY right for you. I would never dream of cheating on my husband ever… i’ve been cheated on before and it’s the worst feeling in the world, I couldn’t imagine doing that to someone else.

Even in this modern day and age where so many things are excusable, to many, marriage still stands as an important commitment.

One poster, horrified, writes:

Thats so horrible! Whats the point of getting married if your not ready to commit to it? Why would you bother if you enjoy having CASUAL sex that much?

She believes that marriage is a commitment made to that person. If you’re not ready to commit, please don’t get married. If you just want to have casual sex that much, don’t get married.

It also involves living  a lie. One of the commenters had been in that situation. She had been an army wife, and was only 18. They “couldn’t bear to be separated.” Soon, within a year, both of them were cheating. Then they sought counseling and stopped. Though they tried their hardest, they never seemed to be able to let go of past betrayals. However, she said something that really struck a chord in me.

Cheating may never be right but just because you’ve done it doesn’t make you an awful person or mean you’ll always do it again…these women need to get divorced or seek help to put their marriages back together. Why live in a lie forever? If you don’t want to be married to him, don’t be.

Cheating is wrong, she says. That doesn’t mean that you’re an awful person. However, you need to seek a way out. Don’t live a lie.

Cheating makes things worse.

This is so horrible, I wonder if they realize why cheating they are lying and actually making their marriages worse by not putting they engery they spend screwinga round into fixing what is wrong with their spouse. So self centered

Cheating really hurts. Cheating is seen by many as a breach of commitment in a marriage. Even some women wouldn’t have dared cheat on their boyfriend, though the depth of commitment may not have been as deep as in a marriage, as this poster says.

if these women are so unhappy in their marriage why dont they just get divorced? i think is a sick violation of the trust and promises between two people that at one point loved eachother enough to pronounce it to the world. i would NEVER cheat on my boyfriend. i was cheated on soo many times with the last loser i dated and always took him back, i never retaliated because i didnt want to be “that woman” thats just aweful. i feel bad for their husbands

Finally, cheating, in some cases, is basically living out a lie, for whatever reasons. You need to find a way out of living a lie, because it will eventually destroy you. I don’t believe that these women are happy doing what they’re doing. There’s no indication as to such. However, it’s become acceptable because just maybe they don’t know what else they can do. They want to be happy, and they’d cheat if it meant happiness, even though it would be a lie. It really ends up making things worse.

But isn’t such happiness fleeting? No wonder some of them have to find a new guy every so often.

In any case, the comments made me realize some faith in humanity yet.

This is terrible. These women must be so self-conscious and unhappy with themselves. Marriage is a commitment, and if you’re not ready for it, don’t do it. If you want to live the single life, stay single. Some of them almost sound proud of themselves in their blurbs, which makes it even worse. This is shameful behaviour and should not be glorified.

I agree.

Dessert Dishes

Part 2 of Chapter 2 of Runaway Eating: What is Runaway Eating?

The restricting runaway eater is like a person with anorexia nervosa, but milder. Still, such a person tends to worry about getting fat. She might override her hunger signals and cut back her food intake to dangerously low levels.

While some restricting eaters stop feeling hungry, most have the strong desire to eat and think about food all the time. The other interesting thing to them is being thin and in control. They may check the mirror and buy clothes that are too small, hoping to someday fit into them.

The difference between a restricting runaway eater and a woman with anorexia is weight. An anorexic has dangerously low weight. The restricting runaway eater may have weight a little lower than average, or normal weight. It’s only a matter of time before her weight drops altogether. Also, she may not restrict as much or as consistently, going through periods where her food intake is normal. However, the food obsession and fear of gaining weight is a constant and close companion.

It’s important to recognize the difference between the restricting runaway eater and the person who is just thin. The naturally thin, like me, don’t always think about food except at mealtimes. She eats until her body tells her to stop, then goes about her business. The restricting runaway eater is obsessed with her weight. How she feels about herself is dependent on whether she can control her food intake. It’s all about her ability to stay thin, become thin, and lose weight. It means self control and achievement to her. She also has a distorted sense of her body size.

What can restricting do to someone’s body? Vital functions will slow down to conserve energy. Metabolism slows down. Blood pressure drops. You might feel light-headed, dizzy, or cold. Or all three. If body fat drops low enough, your period might stop. You won’t be able to have a baby, because your body realizes that your food supply is too low to support another life. If you are already pregnant, there’s an increased risk of miscarriage, premature birth, and birth defects. You can also get osteoporosis.

As if those weren’t bad enough already, there are some extreme effects as well, as if this wasn’t bad enough. Effects such as anemia, kidney failure, heart failure, and death to name a few.

What can it do to your mind and emotions? You may become depressed, withdrawn, or irritable. At night, you might also suffer from insomnia, and when you do sleep, you might dream about food. Your eating habits, obviously, will change. You might eat by chewing each bite a certain number of times, or cutting your food into small pieces. You might even hide your food.

On the other hand, you may also suffer from anxiety, OCD tendencies, perfectionism, and hopelessness. Each feeds the other. Your feelings feed the disordered eating, while the eating feeds the feelings. It’s a deeply destructive cycle.

Restrictive eating also takes a toll on relationships. One with this disorder would avoid events with food — basically all of them. I had a friend who didn’t want to go to another friend’s wedding because food was going to be there and she didn’t want to “screw up.” She may also lie about her eating habits. Prospective partners can be turned off, being tired of being asked, “Do I look fat?”

Next up: The Bingeing Runaway Eater

Kinds of Runaway Eating

Part 1 of chapter 2 of Runaway Eating: What is Runaway Eating?

Someone's homemade peach ice cream, off flickr

The writers give a few examples of Runaway Eating: the kind of eating that is harmful, yet not severe enough to pass for an eating disorder. One would be a woman who severely restricts her eating because she’s afraid to gain weight. She’s not light enough to be anorexic. Or another woman who binges occasionally but not enough to qualify as the binge eating disorder. Or a woman who purges only once a week as opposed to the minimum of three times a week for six months. All of these examples don’t fit the bill, but all of them are out of control and harmful.

People do tend to think that one might wake up one day with an eating disorder. But eating disorders are a gradual decline. The process might start out mild, but worsen over time. When things are unbearable, only then do women seek help for their condition. Those women in the example believe that something’s wrong with their characters. This is the result of many factors. Their eating-related behaviors have run away with them, while they eat to run away from other problems.

Frozen yogurt (strawberry) homemade by the same person

This isn’t about eating too much. It’s about the misuse of food to deal with problems. This can also include misusing laxatives, or exercising too much. If you turn to food to deal with problems and feel that your behavior is out of control, then you probably suffer from Runaway Eating.

It is also when eating-related behaviors become the primary way to deal with unhappy feelings.

Rather than dealing with these troubling feelings out in the open, she keeps it inside. Trying to hide it, she believes that if she ignores the problem, maybe it will go away. However, this only makes matters worse. After a while, this kind of behavior becomes the standard, until she doesn’t even realize that she’s doing it.

The symptoms and results of runaway eating may not be as extreme as a clinically defined eating disorder. The same attitudes are true. One woman may not starve herself to dangerously low levels like the next, but both are deeply afraid of gaining weight.

How many have runaway eating? It’s hard to know for sure. Some people don’t consider themselves to have disordered eating, because they don’t “starve” or “throw up.” It’s estimated that up to 25% of females may live with this condition.

Sometimes runaway eating will become a clinically defined eating disorder. Sometimes it will stay low, or even disappear. But still, it’s pretty harmful.

What forms can runaway eating take?

• Restricting Runaway Eater
• Bingeing Runaway Eater
• Bingeing/Compensating Runaway Eater

Remember that some women may bounce from category to category, or have all three conditions at once. The driving forces are similar.

Next up: Looking at these categories in depth.

Losing Battle

Part 3 of Chapter 1 in the book Runaway Eating: Not for Teenagers Only

Stress wreaks havoc on everything. It can cause major diseases and difficulties, both physically and psychologically.

Stress sets off a fire alarm. It prepares your body to fight to the death, or run a mile. Now that’s useful if you’re being chased by lions and tigers and  bears, but if you’re just yelling at your kids to get ready for school, that’s overkill. If you’re under stress all the time, this is really bad for your body.

Stress can also be destructive psychologically. You may feel depressed, anxious, or powerless; awful feelings. Naturally you want to feel better and escape those feelings, so you might turn to alcohol, or work. We might get addicted to our anti-depressants.

Or… we might turn to food.

Food is highly attractive. It symbolizes pleasure, comfort, amusement, and distraction. It can be found everywhere and anywhere in this culture. We get involved in it, for it is easily available, socially acceptable, and hard to resist. Too many of us use to relieve stress, if only for a few moments.

And so, we end up misusing food. We eat too much or too less. We might eat too much junk food. Meanwhile, we’re just compensating for an imbalance in our lives (or black hole, as another writer described).

Sometimes someone who is on drugs is easy to stop. However, someone who misuses food is not so obvious. Everyone’s on a diet, so no one will look at you twice  if you’re skipping lunch. In fact, you may even be praised for your choice. Though it may seem like a normal habit, everything can go wrong. Misusing food is habit forming and addictive, like alcohol or drugs.

The writers say that this may at least cause a negative impact on your self image, your relationships with others, and your quality of life. In more severe cases, the calcium will be sucked from your bones. You may face heart problems, anemia, changes in brain structure, or even death.

Years ago, our relationship with food was different. We used food to care for others, expressing our love by cooking meals. The women of older days would bring baked goods to families who were poor, or to their neighbors who were sick. People ate their meals together. This was their time to spend time together. Food wasn’t an issue, except when someone was starving because of a lack of it.

Now, food is our enemy. It tempts us, making us feel fat and awful. Through diets, we learn to avoid food. Cooking isn’t as much fun anymore. Rarely will we prepare food for a sick neighbor. We want to find ways to cook smaller portions in the least time possible. The women of today are thankful for portion-control TV dinners, like the one on the right. We also believe that if we eat too much food, we can ruin our lives and make people stop loving us.

We have produced a disconnect between food and our bodies. Food is something that is to be hated. It is no longer something that nourishes us while giving us the energy to get through the day. Mealtimes are no longer fun. We have forgotten the simple law of listening to our bodies. We don’t eat when we’re hungry, and when we’re not hungry, we eat. We have forgotten that food doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

Yet, our appetites are never satisfied. Organic foods, processed foods, junk, sugar, and more doesn’t fill us. The stress of our lives makes us feel empty. The answer to the emptiness is to fill ourselves with cinnamon buns and chips. It doesn’t work.

Or, we think we can exercise and diet like crazy. But we never win.

We have to learn how to make friends with food, and learn to decipher what our bodies and hearts are saying.

We also need something, Someone, to fill the empty hole inside of us, instead of turning to the fridge in a vain attempt to fill the hole with cookies and cheesecake.

All Stressed Out

Part 2 of Chapter 1 of Runaway Eating: Not for Teenagers Only

The writers state that between the ages of 35 and 60 are the most stressful periods of life. The authors go on to list major midlife stress-inducers.

Raising children. This involves a lot of responsibility. Many women of this age may have small children, or college-aged kids. The little kids need to be watched all the time. (Oh! Oh! Stop eating that crayon!) The older kids have to be driven around to soccer practice, karate practice, ballet practice, band practice… and then there’s cleaning, baths, homework, meals, and the irregular poop in the bathtub instead of the toilet. Teenagers may be rebellious and push all your buttons. (Was that grunt disrespectful?) Teenagers are complex.

Raising children is very rewarding, but extremely stressful at the same time.

Career challenges. Getting a job is tougher, especially in this recession. I know a 40 something woman who is just now getting into the job  market. Turns out that she has to go back to school because firms are not interested in the Bachelor’s she got 20 years ago. It’s also increasingly hard for everyone to find jobs, not only older people. A young friend from Hong Kong had to move back there after graduate school. A year passed in the States and she still could not find a job. When she went back, she quickly found a job in Shanghai.

Companies would rather increase the workloads of existing employees rather than hire new people. Older people have to compete with younger workers. Plus issues the typical midlife woman faces consist of ageism, long hours, lookism, etc.

She may also have to meet both her job and family needs.

Empty Nest Syndrome. The kids will someday move to college, get married, or get a career. This is stressful, because the parents have to adjust. They don’t have to pick up their kids or driving them around or clean up after them. The kids aren’t going to run to their mother every time they need help, anymore. That takes a lot of adjustment, though it is nice. Some mothers feel depressed because they don’t know what to do with themselves after this responsibility is gone.

Extended parenthood. One of my friend’s grandmother raised her after her parents ran off. She raised my friend for a long time. Sometimes this happens. Sometimes the kids with their kids move back in wit you because of circumstances. Or some kids just don’t want to leave. A good friend of mine lived with his mother for a while. Even though he’s almost 30, he still sleeps over at her house a lot. He has his own condo, but he says that if he moved out completely, his mom would have a hard time adjusting. How does she handle him sleeping over? I wonder.

Caring for aging parents or other relatives. Adult daughters are more likely than their boy siblings to take on the responsibility of caring for an aged parent. This takes a toll, for not only do they have to take care of their children, and their job, but also the extra burden of a parent. She might have to pay their bills as well as her family’s, arrange hospitalization, or nursing homes. She may have to shop for them, clean them, and so on. When they pass away, she may not be sure of how to feel. Relief that a burden is lifted? Or sad that a loved one passed away?

Financial burdens. Paying bills is, well, expensive. Taxes, insurance, groceries, cars, lessons, furniture, clothes, college, and weddings. The cost of living is higher in these modern times. Take weddings. The guy buys the girl a ring. It probably costs upwards of a thousand bucks. Then there’s hundreds for the cake, thousands for the dresses, and the limo that needs to be rented. All of this stuff isn’t paid by the bride herself, but by her family. Don’t even talk about the wedding reception, which is probably one of the most expensive parts of a wedding. My own parents had an in expensive reception at their church. Their friends pitched in to buy food and prepare for the event. My parents didn’t even rent a limo. Nowadays, couples go for the whole deal. They get a limo, a huge cake like the one on the right, expensive food, and a reception in a fancy hall with lovely decorations.

Relationship troubles. They don’t call it a midlife crisis for nothing. You hear in the news of adult males suddenly running off with the young secretary. Because of all the demands on time, couples tend to leave their relationship at the bottom of the list of priorities. Both spouses are busy and overworked. Some people get divorced during this time because the marriage can no longer stand the strain. Marriage isn’t as fun as when they both started on their honeymoon. They might feel trapped, and the absence of butterflies is noticed. Maybe they’ll stay together just for the kids, but when the kids go to college, the parents feel that they don’t have to stay together anymore.

Divorce and singlehood. After the marriage ends, a divorce follows. There’s two high risk periods for divorce. They are the first 7 years of marriage, or midlife when the kids are teenagers. In the last 30 years, divorce has soared.

Divorce can be described as a sort of death — the death of a way of life. It inevitably brings stress. She has to deal with the loss of a loved one, emotionally wounded children, custody battles, loss of money, and many other adjustments. Often times, the woman ends up raising her children alone or sharing custody with the father.

I remember a young mother who struggled so hard to keep it all together. Her young children were emotionally wounded, and she had to go to court multiple times for custody battles. Her money was slipping away steadily because she took pills for depression, was unemployed, had to hire a lawyer, and had to visit a counselor several times a week. She stayed at our home when she sold hers. Plus, she was preparing to move to California. Divorce is a stressful time.

Then there’s singlehood, and getting back into the dating scene. It’s frightening to compete against younger, more beautiful women for men that are the same age as you. Some women fall into disordered eating in an attempt to regain their figure back.

Menopause. This is a tough period for most women. Hormone levels fluctuate, causing insomnia, fatigue, hot flashes, and so on. Many women worry about losing their sexuality and sexual attractiveness. Doctors can help with many of these issues. Just don’t go to Oprah for your health information.

Madonna: a woman in the show business. She has received multiple plastic surgeries to keep her looks young and fresh. They don't seem to be working.

Aging. Your strength will decline, your muscles will weaken, and it’s easier to gain weight. Add to that sagging skin, wrinkles, thin hair, and age spots. This is tough, especially in our society that worships  beauty and youth. The change are unsettling at least. But for those who place great store by their appearance, these changes are devastating.

Maybe it’s understandable if actresses and models, whose lifeblood depends on their looks, are thrown into a panic. But even the lady next door who isn’t in the show business may mourn.

Next up: What stress is really doing to us.